Hi my dear ones. Ok this is coming straight from the heart (actually everything else does, wonder why I said that hmmm). Anyway I have slipped into the deepest and darkest corners of this materialistic world and my shopping expeditions are getting way beyond anyone’s control. I was living in denial for a very long time but the reality is slowly creeping in and it has finally dawned on me that I am suffering from an incurable disease called Shopaholism. You must be thinking “What Rubbish.. We all suffer from it ” but no no no no no first go through a checklist of my confessions / symptoms and then make up your mind. You need to have atleast 8 out of these 10 symptoms to be certified as an “incorrigible shopaholic” Until then my friend you are yet to cross the dark side.
Here we go in no particular order :
1. Pray no one notices you
You enter the store and pray that you are as invisible as “Mr India” cos you have been coming to the same store everyday and probably now the people in the store are giving you that sorry “Get a life” glance right from the guard standing on the door…You do NOT make eye contacts and continue looking at stuff (ostrich kind of situation – you don’t see them so probably they haven’t seen you). So fa so good.. But hell.. now you have to pay at the counter so you gather your wits and give a very care a damn – nonchalant look and pray from inside that this gets over soon.
2. One in all color
“Oh this T shirt fits me so amazingly well, let me buy the basic 2 colors – Black n white.. Great I am sorted now.. Wait, I think I should have it in some bright color as well..It will go so nicely with those pants that I have never worn cos I couldn’t find the right top.” Theeeere… you pick up another color. You come back home with a slightly unsatisfied feeling, look at your closet and start seeing how the other colors would have gone so well with lot of other stuff you haven’t worn so you go back the next day and pick up 2 more.. The cycle continues till you have picked every color on the rack!!
Damn that moment when you have limited cash and you have to make a choice between what to pick and what to let go. So you are happy with yourself for making a wise decision and sorting your preferences. Wait till you reach home and then the hallucinations start. “Oh Shit I should have picked that dress, it was looking so cool on me and wait I have the perfect shoes and bag to go with it too. Atleast I will not have to spend extra on those things” BAM all logic out of the window & all you are doing is dreaming about that dress that you reluctantly left in the store. Next day you are making one more trip to the same store.. You see that’s how you end up going everyday to the store.
4. BFFs turn enemies
Who doesn’t enjoy going with their loved ones for shopping but hell hath no fury if they tell you to go slow and not pick up all the 20 pieces you have tried. You get into a fight with your friend / husband / boyfriend cos cmon how can they even think of putting some sense into your dysfunctional brains !!
5. VisaCard / Master card / Debit Card…..
As you are standing in the cash register Que. you are making mental calculations as to how much amount should be swiped on 5 cards you are carrying with you cos cmon you don’t want to be caught back home when the bill arrives and a huge 20K has been swiped in one go… Also swiping 5 different cards helps you in tricking the brain.. Right!!
6. Guilty pleasures.
That unbelievable moment when you feel all blood gushing the instant your fingers curl around that shopping bag which is now your possession. You are on the top of the world till you reach your car and then reality bites & guilt engulfs you. You get a panic attack and you don’t know where to hide these bags or how to smuggle them inside the house. The solution to cure your anxiety attack is go and splurge some more.
7. Raiding the Men’s section
Now if you have been going to the same stores everyday it is highly likely that you will hit a saturation point. What do you do.. Hit the men’s section and shop some more
8. Closet cleaning
You have decided to clean your closet cos literally everything is falling out from it. You curse your bad shopping habits and swear off shopping till you have worn each and every piece in your closet atleast twice (cos there are still some 20 untouched pieces in the closet). You decide to take them out and wear them. Suddenly a realization hits you – “something is missing – this top is not right, shit this skirt is not right, Aaaaghhh these trousers don’t go well “ so what do you do – you go and shop more. End result – the closet never gets cleaned and the stuff is still flying out plus you have added 10 more pieces… Aaaaaghhhh!!
9. Confess to a friend
You decide to confess to a friend about your disease and tell him / her to control you. You do let them know about your movements….After a few days you stop attending that friend’s call especially when you are out shopping. The said friend in question is getting pesky!!
10. Right dress for Right occasion
Inspite of all the above drama you never seem to have it
There I blurted out all the symptoms that are on top of mind &.. I am sure there are many more. Nothing to feel proud about but I decided to FUF this article wondering if there are others like me. Ok now that I have confessed all my secrets you won’t leave me hanging here feeling the silliest dumbest person on this earth. I am sure I will find atleast one more like me so shoot it guys.. Do you have something to share??
PS : I wish it was contagious. I would have felt slightly better
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